Lines that Cannot be Crossed

Spencer channels Mitch Rubin in worrying that notional future children might not be sufficiently evil:

First, MLB has thought about this a lot. There is no better time to be interested in out-of-market baseball. For about $150, which is basically a couple months of Comcast at most, you can watch any baseball game you want, via the local broadcast, on any device you own. Even with the teams’ recent trend in maximizing revenue not through gate receipts but regional sports networks, this price is only going to drop as baseball, like the NBA, pursues the mobile market. (MLB Extra Innings is one of the few apps that comes standard on an Apple TV right now, so you can just imagine the growth potential for cable-free television.) You want your kid immersed in Yankee heritage? For just pennies a day…

Second, out-of-market-fandom is an easier proposition in Washington. This is a city whose professional class, even those who aren’t transients, have a high degree of identification with East Coast cities like Boston, New York and even Philadelphia. Let’s say your kid is a Yankee fan in D.C. Sure, her friends who are into baseball are going to come to school talking about what Bryce did last night or whether you should break Strasburg’s innings limit if the Nats make it to the postseason. But someone in her class is going to want to talk about the Red Sox, Yankees, Mets or Phillies. Now, if we were talking about any other city, which exhibits a higher degree of civic rootedness, this point is a salient one; even if it’s a less salient one because of technological advances discussed above.

Third, if the first two points don’t convince you, you could move to New York. There, I said it. Washington is a city with a comprable cost of living and fewer educational opportunities for your children compared to New York. It’s also a city with comprable professional opportunities for a journalist. And no one can seriously argue that children will enjoy a more enriching childhood — one that better prepares them for a vicious world — in Washington than in New York. You’re really worried about your kid being an out-of-market Yankee fan? Get a U-Haul and hit 95 North.

These are all excellent points, but sadly they lead to a reality in which more people are Yankees fans. I have the opposite problem; there is reason to be concerned that the girls might already harbor some sort of proto-Yankee sympathies.

Fortunately we’re taking them to the Reds-Twins game this Sunday (Joey Votto Batting Glove Day!) in order to forestall these developments. To be sure, my girls will understand that Daddy will merely be disappointed in them if they become Yankees fans; no one wearing a Cubs cap will ever see a dime of the vast Farley family fortune.