Ask an Apocalypse Specialist: DADT Edition
By Will the end of DADT bring about the collapse of American society as we know it? Should I being trying to learn Chinese, Arabic, Farsi, Mexican, or Canadian?
Depressed in Dover
Dear Depressed in Dover,
Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Also yes. And none of the above; while the end of DADT will fast forward the eclipse of US military power, the real threat will come not from foreign enemies, but rather from the demon-zombie hordes unleashed by America’s lack of righteousness. With luck, the Chinese will be here in time to pick up the pieces.
Dear Dr. Farley,
What will the immediate impact of DADT be? Will the troops turn on each other in fratricidal fury? Or… you know… even worse?
Alarmed in Akron
Dear Alarmed in Akron,
Unlikely. The first big problem will be the desertion of previously loyal members of the armed forces. The F-22 Raptor, for example, has made clear in no uncertain terms that it does not wish to serve with homosexuals. The F-35 is more… versatile, but the attitude of the bomber fleet is in serious question. Fortunately, we dodged a bullet by going the KC-767 over the Airbus 330, as the latter had a curiously non-European attitude on this question. In the Navy, the Arleigh Burke fleet has proven considerably more flexible than the LCS squadron, although some attribute this to the latter’s youthful identity confusion. On the Army side, the bulk of the MRAP family seems indifferent, the M1A2s are neutral negative but loyal, and the Bradleys may cause trouble.