NFL Open Thread: Nadir of a nadir edition

Nora Princiotti cites an astounding stat about reprehensible sleazebag and sub-replacement level QB DeShaun Watson:

Three weeks into this NFL season—Watson’s third with the Browns—Watson is one of the worst quarterbacks in football. Other than Bryce Young, who has been benched by the Panthers, he ranks last in the league in total quarterback rating, yards per attempt, yards per dropback, success rate, and explosive play rate. He’s thrown three touchdowns and two interceptions in three games, and the Browns have yet to score more than 20 points in a game. Watson has been sacked a league-high 16 times, eight of which came in a home loss to the Giants last Sunday.

There’s bad, there’s historically bad, and then there’s historically bad for the Cleveland Browns, and Watson has been all three. So far, he’s having the least productive start to a season by any Browns quarterback this century. Basically the whole back of the jersey.

Deshaun Watson's EPA per dropback in Weeks 1-3 is the worst for any Browns (!!) quarterback to start a season since at least 2000. pic.twitter.com/Y3lEuku4db— Austin Gayle (@austingayle_) September 23, 2024

You’ll note that, were it not for dear Brady Quinn in 2009, Watson would occupy the bottom two rungs on that list. Even so, Watson’s performance to start last season ranked third worst.

The worst opening three game stretch in the modern history of the Cleveland Browns is an astounding anti-achievement. I mean, the Browns are a museum of horrible QB play. Brandon Weeden, a rookie who was older than Brian Sipe when he made his debut! One of the McCowns! DeShone Kizer, Notre Dame’s answer to Christian Hackenberg! This is a very, very far from exhaustive list. And somehow Watson has been worse than any of them.

It’s also kind of amazing that he’s both a much worse human being and a much worse QB than Jameis Winston. And while as we previously discussed it’s literally impossible to cut Watson (as Princiotti says, the dead cap charge would leave them literally unable to field a full roster in 2025), it really seems like he should be permanently inactive like his last year in Texas.

In lighter news, here’s some content of interest to Farley and the other Metallica fans out there:

Compare all 6 members of Metallica to their NFL QB or coaching equivalent. – Tom

I went with coaches:

James Hetfield is Mike Tomlin. Nothing about his singing or guitar playing is historically brilliant, but he creates the structure that makes everything else both distinctive and highly successful over a long period of time.

Kirk Hammett is Sean Payton: reliably creative, innovative and versatile, but you probably don’t want to hear a whole album of nothing but him.

Robert Trujillo is Eagles offensive line coach Jeff Southland, laying down a steady foundation with a splash of creativity.

Dave Mustaine was Nick Saban: absolutely brilliant, but someone who needed to define his own structure to truly succeed on his own terms. 

Jason Newsted was Joe Vitt, because bass players are assistant coaches in my mind, with obvious Sting-Paul McCartney exceptions. Newsted took on some singing duties after Hetfield suffered on-stage injuries in 1992, just as Vitt has been an interim head coach several times in his career. 

Lars Ulrich is Jason Garrett. He’s there because he has always been there, so why change? Also, the drum sound in St. Anger is actually Garrett clapping, running through lots of equalizers.

The last line made me actually laugh out loud.