Interior Design & Document Storage. Some thoughts.

I’m not an expert on interior design. But I am the descendant of proud and sarcastic Black ladies from the Deep South, so I have a heightened sense of what is common, tacky and cheap. Being one is very bad. Being all three is a sin somewhere between robbing the elderly and wearing a dress or skirt without the appropriate hosiery.

So, you know those games where you try to spot what’s wrong with a picture? In the case of the photograph on p. 12 of the indictment United States v. Donald J. Trump and Waltine Nauta, that would be too easy. The entire thing is wrong.

Shoving a bunch of boxes in a bathroom is tacky. Leaving private information where someone else might see it is common. Many of the boxes look beat up: Cheap. But even if you remove the dozens of boxes that contain classified documents from a room with a window that a butter knife-wielding child could get into, that leaves the rest of the room.

Again, I’m not an expert on interior design, but the visible wood looks like cheap laminate. The hardware looks like like a light scratch would reveal the cheap metal underneath the spray paint. The less said about that mirror frame the better. Older relatives would deduct a lot of points for the position of the trash bin and the tissue box. I just think it confirms the overall half-assed and loud with it that are true trump trademarks.

We would all agree the face and hand towels on the counter are a problem. They should be hung on the towel rack. More on that in a second.

I wonder why the towel rack is behind the toilet. It doesn’t automatically violate the key principles of the proud and sarcastic ancestors, but the positioning is inconvenient.

It looks like they used two different flavors of chocolate marble for the sink and the floor. That would make sense because he’s cheap. However, I could be biased because I’m not crazy about chocolate marble. It makes any room look darker and in a bathroom it brings the words “Shit smeared” to mind.

But why bother with the floor and sink counter when the light fixtures are screaming for disapproval?

Start with the sconce behind the toilet. In its natural environment – a conference center or entertainment venue, located several feet up a wall in large rooms or hallways – you’d hardly notice it. At chest height in a standard sized (maybe?) bathroom it is bizarre. And lonely. But the Republican’s tacky white hope just had to have a bigly sconce in the room.

The one huge glass dongle is a hair’s breadth above the towel rack, which explains why no one is using the towel rack.

And is there a plumber in the house? And if so, can they explain why is the toilet bowl so far from the wall?

But the wall sconce distracts the viewer from the bigger, bolder expression of tackiness: The fucking chandelier.

Who puts a chandelier in a bathroom? Common, tacky people, who think Chandelier = Classy, therefore More Chandeliers = Classier, that’s who. And how does anyone over 5′ tall avoid getting bonked on the head? How does anyone over 4′ avoid cringing from the glass horror looming overhead?

Finally, there’s the thing really draws my eye. Amid all the faux glitz and fake glam, a plain old plastic tension rod holds up the shower curtain.

Frankly, I’m shocked someone passed on a chance to buy more tacky gilt hardware to permanently install a tacky gilt curtain rod, which would have matched the gilt shower curtain rings that are holding up a rumpled-looking shower curtain. Maybe the contractors who owned the drill needed to drive screws into the marble figured out they weren’t getting paid and quit before they finished.

But that’s what happens when the sins of being common, tacky and cheap are combined in one nasty orange-goo smeared body.

Use the comments to discuss your favorite design disasters, other pictures from the indictment or the tackiness of TFG. People who post off topic comments have TWO chandeliers in their bathrooms.