Joey Unbeatable

Alexandra Petri is, in case you were wondering, still a comic genius:

But you have to think about electability.

I just think people — again, not me, I’m on board, just … people — might not vote for this candidate. Because the candidate is a little, well, you know.

I mean, it doesn’t bother me. But think of people, other people, people maybe with trucks or something, people who aren’t as, well, enlightened as you and, of course, me. These benighted, backward people might not be ready to vote for … someone like this.

Look at the candidate and ask yourself this question. (You, of course, will vote for them, and so will I!) But would an average voter, whom I am picturing in suspenders, maybe, with a hat that makes a statement with which you and I might not wholeheartedly agree, and maybe even a T-shirt that says “FBI: Female Body Inspector” on it — is this average voter going to vote for them?

He might be economically anxious, this voter, if you know what I mean. Let’s just say that if this were a movie, Sam Rockwell would play him.