The loneliness of the long-distance imperialist
By Trump’s sabre-rattling over Greenland is, as Paul says, nothing to laugh about. But making JD Vance the administration’s would-be Buth Bad Cop of Imitation-Putin Imperialism with his wife the Good Cop who looks perpetually like she’s in a hostage video, specifically…how can you not?
Mr. Egede and other Greenland officials made it clear that the Americans were not welcome for a visit. The White House had to scrap a good-will tour by Usha Vance, the vice president’s wife, who had been planning to attend a dog sled race and hold conversations with ordinary Greenlanders. As it became clear that the roads around Nuuk, the capital, would be lined with protesters, the visit was moved just to the Space Force base, where distance from any population center and high fences assured there would be no visible dissent.
Mr. Vance’s audience was American troops, not Greenlanders, once his wife’s trip was turned into a vice-presidential mission. But he was clearly talking to a larger audience when, before getting back on his plane and returning to warmer climes in Washington, he made the case that the United States would be a far better steward for Greenland than Denmark has been for several hundred years.
[…]
In an exchange with reporters, Mr. Vance seemed to acknowledge that the drive to acquire the territory had as much to do with Mr. Trump as the national security threat. “We can’t just ignore this place,” he said at one point. “We can’t just ignore the president’s desires. But most importantly, we can’t ignore what I said earlier, which is the Russian and Chinese encroachment in Greenland.”
“When the president says we’ve got to have Greenland, he’s saying this island is not safe,” he said. “A lot of people are interested in it. A lot of people are making a play.” But he was careful to say the decision about whom to partner with was Greenland’s. (Mr. Trump himself has not put it in such voluntary terms.)
Just before he left, Mr. Vance was asked if military plans had been drafted to take Greenland if it declines to become an American protectorate.
“We do not think that military force is ever going to be necessary,” he said. “We think the people of Greenland are rational and good, and we think we’re going to be able to cut a deal, Donald Trump-style, to ensure the security of this territory, but also the United States of America.”
“We are going to make a deal, Donald Trump style, with the people I’m literally hiding out at a military base to avoid interacting with because they all despise me.”
This Slate photo essay really captures the spirit of the thing:
The thing about watching a JD Vance speech is that everyone knows he’s a little pig man. Everyone knows he exists to squeal for Trump‘s amusement. No one respects him and he clearly doesn’t respect himself.— jamelle (@jamellebouie.net) March 28, 2025 at 11:56 AM
Donald Trump may well think that Greenlanders would welcome their rapacious overlords, but Vance surely understands that they hate the idea and now Trump and Vance personally. And awkwardly pretending to pretend is definitely not his long suit.