Is it good that the de facto president gives every appearance of having a serious substance abuse problem?
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Sarah Joeng has a transcript of President Musk’s appearance at CPAC yesterday, and even without the video it’s pretty scary how obviously far from sober this guy is:
Crowd goes wild. Elon Musk enters stage, pumping both fists high in the air, walking slightly unsteadily. He is wearing a black MAGA baseball cap and sunglasses that look like they were bought in a gas station in 1989. He continues to pump his fists as he makes his way in front of the beige armchairs at the front of the stage. Rob Schmitt attempts to get his attention, but he turns and waves at the crowd.
Schmitt: We’ve got one more surprise, in case this wasn’t enough.
Musk: Well, President, uh, President Milei has a gift for me.
Schmitt: [hamming at camera] Javier Milei from Argentina, you guys know who that is, right?
Milei, a friendly-looking figure who resembles Bilbo Baggins right before he Smeagolifies, enters the stage carrying a chainsaw. He presents the chainsaw to the billionaire, who then waves it around unsteadily.
Musk: This… is… the chainsaw for bureaucracy. [pumps the chainsaw in the air] CHAINSAAAW!
He takes a beat to examine the chainsaw. He is still wearing his sunglasses. He turns around and starts wandering to the other side of the stage, waving the chainsaw around.
Musk: Uwaaauwaargh!
Milei lurks awkwardly in the background, trying to wave goodbye to Musk, before Schmitt takes notice.
Schmitt: Mr. President, thank you so much. Nice to meet you. I love it. We love it.
Musk’s attention snaps to Milei. The two men shake hands with the Argentinian president, who then departs.
Musk: Where should we put this —
Schmitt: They want it right here. [moves the chainsaw] A little stage prop.
Crowd screams for Elon Musk.
Musk: I love you guys, too!
Schmitt: Thanks guys. Have a seat.
The two men settle into the armchairs.
Schmitt: So, uh. Heheh. That was something.
Musk: [ineffectually suppressing grin] I am become meme.
Schmitt chuckles obsequiously.
Musk: Yeah. Pretty much. I was living the meme. It’s just — I was living the dream, and I was living the meme, and that’s, pretty much what’s happening.
Schmitt: It’s —
Musk: I mean, DOGE started out as a meme. Think about it! [laughs] Now it’s real!
Schmitt: [smiling affably] So —
Musk: [to audience, sunglasses still on] Isn’t that crazy!
[…]
Musk: You guys are. You know. We’re, you know, we’re trying to get good things done, but also, like, you know, have a good time doing it and, uh, you know, and have, like, a sense of humor.
Crowd cheers.
Musk: You know. So, like, I mean, the sort of the left wanted to make comedy illegal, you know, you can’t make fun of anything. So this is, like, comedy suuuuuucks. It’s like, nothing’s funny. You can’t make fun of anything.
He waves his arms so emphatically that the large gold chain he’s wearing clanks against his mic.
Musk: It’s like, LEGALIZE COMEDY! YEEEAH! Legalize Comedy!
To make an unoriginal observation, it is clearly very important to Elon that people think he’s funny, which is a problem because he is perhaps the least funny person who has ever existed — the kind of reply guy you mute or block instantly even if he doesn’t disagree with you. And there’s also nothing funny about what an awful person he is:
The people running our government are totally unstable, irresponsible, and without any moral compass whatsoever. It's government by lunatics, crackpots, and morons. pic.twitter.com/cLohRJSawO— John Ganz (@lionel_trolling) February 20, 2025