Conservative legislator allegedly sexually assaults stripper, chases her down the street while brandishing a handgun, then invokes the Second Amendment

Nothing good happens in Lansing Michigan at 2:45 AM. Probably three extra words in that sentence.

I’m friends with one of the police officers who was on the scene. ALLEGEDLY, Friske solicited a local stripper and brought her home. They had a fight in his room, and he fired a gun toward her. She called the cops and ran. Cops intercepted them both separately on the street.

A friend who works for the Michigan legislature fills in a few details:

– he succeeded former Speaker Lee Chatfield in the 107th. Lee was often seen at a different Lansing strip club and had issues with handguns too. Friske decided to combine the two

– Friske has a serious primary challenger who has legit endorsements and funding

– Friske’s immigrant father was a former state rep (for one term in 1971-72, he lost in the 72 primary). His father was a Bircher and later in life donated to David Duke. His father noted on his campaign literature that he was a World War II veteran. Without mentioning that he was in the Luftwaffe. Dad also said former Governor Bill Milliken was part of an international satanic conspiracy.

– recently the younger Friske was one of the few to vote against legislation banning deep fake celeb porn

This is the press release from Friske’s campaign in the wake of this edifying little incident:

Neil Friske

Official Statement from the Team Friske Campaign:

This morning, it was brought to our attention that Representative Friske was arrested and being held.
As many of us know, Rep Friske is always exercising his 2nd Amendment right. We do not have any details, besides what has the media sourced, oddly before anyone of us knew anything.

It is highly suspect considering the timing of this situation:

-Right before absentee ballots are released.

-Day after an unknown phone number conducted polling on the 107 race between Rep. Friske and our opponent with deep-state ties.

We ask everyone for prayers and to stay tuned from updates directly from this campaign or
Representative Friske himself.

Thank you for the outpouring of concern and unwavering support we have received this morning. Clearly, Rep. Friske is over the target in this race.

-Team Friske

Over the target might not be the greatest metaphor when Daddy was in the Luftwaffe.

At this point The Onion’s writing staff probably needs combat pay.