Prepping for Cinco De Derby

Some might object that this weekend is not a “true” Cinco De Derby, given that the race happens on Saturday and Mexican Independence Day/Christmas/President’s Day/Flag Day/Commonwealth Day/I’m Not Sure What happens on Sunday. To this, I say that Derby Weekend is a more of a lifestyle than a series of events, and thus that Friday-Saturday-Sunday format most truly honors the intent of the Founders. The committed, classy Kentuckian gets started on Friday night by throwing an Oaks Party (Oaks parties are inherently classy), continues on Saturday by attending a Derby Party (Derby parties are inherently unclassy, but we respect the sacrifices made by those who host them), and finishes up on Sunday with a celebration of what the heroes of the Battle of Puebla fought for, which was evidently an early afternoon brunch of margaritas and huevos rancheros. This schedule has the virtue of distributing events and drinking responsibilities across the weekend, and is infinitely preferable to the unfortunate confluence of May 5 with either the Oaks or the Derby. Tequila and bourbon don’t mix, folks! They may mix in your stomach, but that’s also bad!

Speaking of which, here’s the sort of menu one might expect from a fancy late-nineteenth century Louisville hotel:

Hotels were popular venues for banquets and a surviving menu from one at Louisville Hotel in 1872 gives some idea what people could tuck into in the era, some of which would be hard to stomach today: Green sea turtle soup, scrambled hog’s brains with drawn butter, calf’s head a la Toulouse, broiled squirrels, fillets of bass in aspic and oysters on the half shell, in aspic, in soup, fried, steamed, scalloped and pickled. The menu includes only four vegetables: Asparagus, sweet potatoes, stewed tomatoes and green peas.

Damn that makes me hungry for some scrambled hog’s brains, but I guess I’ll have to wait until Saturday… As for the races themselves, in the Oaks I like:

1. Thorpedo Anna
2. Just FYI
3. Ways and Means

And in the Derby I like:

1. Sierra Leone
2. Stronghold
3. Fierceness

If your iPhone gambling app is anything like mine, you sure can lose a lot of money fast. Anyway, try to make a reservation for a rehab facility that handles both gambling addiction and substance abuse early, because spots fill up quickly.