Pathetic Pick Me for President!

A few people have shared this in the comments. I want to make sure everyone has a chance to laugh at this pathetic attempt to whine-threat Taylor Swift out of a second Biden endorsement. While also taking credit for the fact that at more than half his age she’s richer than he’ll ever be.

If you know anyone who has ever succeeded at anything, you’ll know they really don’t like it when someone else takes credit for their work. Swift started working as a songwriter when she was 14. At that age tRump was probably lying to his friends that he was being scouted by six different baseball teams. At any rate, two decades later here comes this foul, blustering puddle of fucks who would certainly assault her if he could get within grabbing distance, claiming that he’s the reason for her success.

And of course Dumpster was not responsible for the MMA. But no fair attributing that to his age. Or the fact he’s a fucking liar. Dina LaPolt, an entertainment attorney who worked with Congress to draft the bill, explained:

“This [claim] is funny to me,” she wrote. “Trump did nothing on our legislation except sign it, and doesn’t even know what the Music Modernization Act does. Someone should ask him what the bill actually accomplished.”

Exactly. But it is unlikely anyone will. Instead, if political reporters do address that claim, they will pretend they can read his mind, discover that what he really meant was completely reasonable, and print their horseshit whispering as an accurate paraphrase of what is – at best – fascist gibberanting.

Also, I think his weird lurch at Kelce deserves a little more coverage. It comes off a little Do u like me Travis? Check Yes or No. But of course it isn’t nearly that wholesome. First of all, someone who didn’t have a pile of rancid dicks for brains would have said they liked Swift’s music. Or respected her as an artist. Actually a person who didn’t have a pile of rancid dicks for brains would not have written that at all. So never mind.

(As an aside, some other things someone should ask him: The title of any Taylor Swift song, the last name of “boyfriend Travis,” and for extra LOLs, what position he plays.)

And I wouldn’t expect him to say he likes Swift herself because people with rancid dick brains don’t like women. That’s the gayest thing ever. I guess it is OK to like a man who is the apparent owner of a girl or woman. But the big orange yo-yo can’t even execute simple bro bonding without lumbering headlong into the sand trap of self-pity.

In other words, four years on the wreck that spent four years in the White House hurting people, fucking shit up and actively exacerbating a disaster is even worse. But to the journalists who are Deeply Concerned with Biden’s age, that doesn’t count. Or maybe we’re supposed to forget tRump’s first presidency. Or perhaps they regard non-stop deluge of malice and incompetence as youthful indiscretions.

In related news, I know this isn’t trolling by an NFL reporter, but I bet it feels like it to all the weirdos who suddenly decided wealthy, attractive white cishet couples are the worst thing ever.

Football’s favorite power couple certainly had a super week.

Travis Kelce began Super Bowl week noting that he had to match girlfriend Taylor Swift’s record-setting Grammy win by bringing home “some hardware too.”

Also, you’re up Mr. Carlson.