Eric for Senate
By 
Torn between wanting to endorse the likely winner of the Missouri primary and wanting to signal his support for the misogynist sex pest community, Donald Trump found an elegant solution:
The Republicans competing for the U.S. Senate nomination in Tuesday’s primary here spent their final day of campaigning in a familiar state of suspense — checking their phones for a statement from Donald Trump.
But by day’s end, the former president injected more chaos into an already tumultuous race, simply endorsing “ERIC” — a first name shared by two rival candidates — former governor Eric Greitens and state Attorney General Eric Schmitt — as he suggested he was leaving it to voters to choose between them.
“There is a BIG Election in the Great State of Missouri, and we must send a MAGA Champion and True Warrior to the U.S. Senate, someone who will fight for Border Security, Election Integrity, our Military and Great Veterans, together with having a powerful toughness on Crime and the Border,” Trump wrote in a statement. “I trust the Great People of Missouri, on this one, to make up their own minds, much as they did when they gave me landslide victories in the 2016 and 2020 Elections, and I am therefore proud to announce that ERIC has my Complete and Total Endorsement!”
Trump also needs to keep his options in case Eric Clapton vaults to the front of the race by appearing outside of Busch Stadium debuting his new single “Vaccines are the Bad Kind of Fascism” and then reading Enoch Powell’s “Rivers of Blood” speech.
The choice for lieutenant governor is equally clear: