Support the LGM Cat Cafe Empire!
By Look, you think we like Fundraising Day? C’mon, we’d rather be blogging about how Queen sucks or the various fascisms of the day overwhelming this nation. But it is necessary in order to promote the LGM Empire. As we are at the forefront of the global economy, we are always looking for new opportunities. You might think I am in Japan on a lecture tour thanks to being selected as a visiting scholar. That is correct. But see, in the financial world that I know so well, we call that a “front.” What I’m really here for is to explore Japanese models for making money.
As part of that, yesterday I visited one of Tokyo’s cat cafes, where you basically spend a bunch of money to hang out with cats that really don’t care if you are around or not unless you give them treats. Here’s a couple of pictures:
Not bad, right?
Well, I am happy to announced the crowdsourced LGM Cat Cafe project! Only you can make this happen through your monthly donation which you can leave right here!!!!
Moreover, you think this is going to be some regular cat cafe? Ha ha ha, of course not. This cat cafe project has special LGM characteristics. Specifically, each cafe will have a theme around a given president and be located in their home town.
Imagine this–you visit the cat cafe in Johnson City, Texas and the cats only want pets while they are taking a dump in their litter box. You visit the cat cafe in Greeneville, Tennessee and for some reason all the cats there are all white. You visit the cat cafe in Hope, Arkansas and for some reason the cats are checking out all the female cats for illicit affairs. The cat cafe in Yorba Linda, California of course has the litter being torn up copies of the U.S. Constitution. The cat cafe in Indianapolis has a lot of cats you think should be known for something but you can’t quite put a finger on it because they seem so irrelevant. And my god, the cat cafe in Hyde Park is going to be the best cafe for reformers, but the food served there will be extra bland and inedible.
Plus we can build on some of the cat pics of the past!
This is gold!
This financial opportunity can be yours for a generous donation! For $100, you can name a cat after your favorite person in the given administration–do you choose Haldeman or Ehrlichmann for the Yorba Linda cafe? For $300, you can be involved in the design of the cat furniture in a given cafe of your choice! Imagine the Enlightenment based cat furniture at the Monticello branch! For $500, you can have free lifetime admission to the cat cafe of your choice! And for $1,000, you can choose all the cats for the presidential cafe of your choice. The combination of cats and politics is exactly what this nation needs.
But the only way this happens is through your donations. You think these cats are free? Have you dealt with cats? The hairball medicine alone, I mean my god. And the catnip budget at the Grant themed cafe, can you imagine how much those cats will consume? That requires Cold Hard Cash. So give it to us.
Venmo (@lefarkins)