Thanksgiving football/parades/fettucine alfredo/whatever open thread

Happy Thanksgiving! I know one person who is very grateful for the NFL Old Boy’s Network:

But I refuse to accept that this is true about one player: Lions quarterback Tim Boyle, an awful college quarterback at UConn and Eastern Kentucky who has somehow managed to spend four years in the NFL. Actually, let me rephrase that: Tim Boyle was not merely an awful college quarterback. Boyle was one of the worst quarterbacks to play a significant number of snaps in the recent history of college football. In three seasons at UConn, Boyle threw one touchdown and 13 interceptions, with the Huskies losing all eight games that he started.

Let’s pause here for a second. One TD and 13 picks for a program that was mounting a hilarious temporary effort at relevance. 1 TD 13 INT.

Since 2000, he has the worst passer efficiency rating of any FBS quarterback with at least 200 passing attempts. Nobody else has managed to throw that few touchdowns while throwing that many interceptions. Before you ask, he’s not a great runner, either—he had negative-122 rushing yards at UConn. There have been thousands upon thousands of FBS quarterbacks over the decades, none of whom have posted stats this pitiful. After his dismal UConn career, Boyle transferred to Eastern Kentucky, hoping to play his senior season against easier competition. But even after dropping down, he managed to throw more interceptions (13) than touchdowns (11), as EKU finished 4-7.

Sunday, Boyle had a chance to explain his presence in the NFL. After three years as Aaron Rodgers’s backup, Boyle was signed by the Lions this year, and starter Jared Goff got hurt last week. It was finally time for Boyle to show what he can do … and it turns out the only thing he can do is throw interceptions..

Boyle was as historically bad in the NFL as he was in college. On 23 passing attempts, Boyle threw for 77 yards and two interceptions. He averaged 3.3 yards per attempt, the fewest of any starting QB in any game this year with at least 10 passing attempts. He had the fewest passing yards of any quarterback with at least 15 completions in NFL history. He had four completions for negative yardage, accounting for roughly 2 percent of all completions for negative yardage in the NFL this season. He only completed four passes to his wide receivers for a total of 18 yards. It’s stunning that in spite of this remarkably conservative game plan, he still managed to throw two interceptions.

The Lions would be upgrading if the Fords acquired Christian Hackenberg. Ah this great meritocracy of ours!