Kultist Krypto Kurrency
By 
Breakthrough! A scam so dubious even Republicans won’t fall for it. Maybe. Check back in a month. Or less.
More than 1,000 people have so far signed up to the pro-Trump cryptocurrency magacoin, including conservative media personalities and Republican figures, the Guardian can reveal.
Why can the Guardian reveal it? Because conservatives have decided that like the COVID-19 vaccine, internet security protocols are for Big Tech libwimps and probably a sign of communism. That allowed an upright citizen to come along and swipe their data.
The news comes after poor security configuration in a website associated with magacoin exposed the email addresses, passwords, cryptocurrency wallet addresses and IP addresses of users who have bought in to what its promoters describe as the “digital currency for the MAGA community”.
If I were reading about a similar breach of health information I would be horrified. As it is I thank God I wore my corset because I think my sides have split. Especially after I considered that the sort of people who would go for this thing are obsessed with Big Someone invading their privacy and violating their HIPPA rights.
That’s probably why whoever set this up either pulled a DIY on themselves or scrolled past dozens of legit, semi-legit and leave your computer and a sack of cash behind the third porta-potty at the local park businesses until they came to something called Ken’s Komputer Kingdom which has a website last updated 2002 to judge by all the Sept. 11 death porn, weeping bald eagles and islamophobic gibber. And since Ken is as interested in doing an honest day’s work for an honest day’s wage as the rest of his right wing brethren, the result is a bent nail, duct tape and boogers bodge job that leads to hilarious events like this. Or the Parler Involuntary Data Share. Or whatever shit is going to go down with Feedom Fones.
The only surprising – and disappointing – thing about this story is tiny portion of Republicans who have fallen for the scam. These are people who can be convinced that bars of gold are just the thing you need to get through the apocalypse, that simple preventive measures are an attack on their freedoms and that they are mentally and physically superior to everyone else despite the pile of evidence to the contrary. And yet, according to the Guardian the main holders of magatcoins are people who signed up for free ones and the people running the scam.
The data also reveals that the lion’s share of the cryptocurrency so far produced has been allocated to the self-described creator of magacoin, a pro-Trump consultant who owns an LLC associated with the cryptocurrency, and a Super Pac associated with the same consultant.
I hope he enjoys fending off his greedy fuck of a hero when it hears there might be some money lying around. Especially since there isn’t.
Last month, a Super Pac called Magacoin Victory Fund was registered with the Federal Election Commission. The Super Pac’s main mailing address is a post office box in Raleigh, North Carolina, which is also associated with several other [principal of a North Carolina LLC, Magacoin Inc, Reilly] O’Neal-controlled companies and political entities.
A brief scurry through the internets indicates that in addition to working for Roy Moore, O’Neal has been at this sort of thing for a while, and is too gross for many Republicans including Laura Ingraham. Which just means he hasn’t gotten rich enough yet. Or won’t share any of his take.
On magacoin’s front page and in promotional emails it announces that “10 Million MAGACOINS have been donated to the MAGACOIN Victory Fund, a SuperPAC created to support MAGA candidates across the country who will fight for individual rights, religious liberty, protecting the unborn, the 2nd amendment, freedom of speech and the entire America First Agenda”.
Creating a cryptocurrency to donate to a PAC you created with the same name and donating some of the cryptocurrency to it certainly seems like a legitimate enterprise and not a novel way to get thrown in prison.
I guess it will be a while before I read about entire communities of right wing wormbrains going broke because they traded their yucky legal currency for the ability to log on to a website that features lots of flags, white people, crosses, white people, some sort of farm equipment, white people and guns and see how many kristian krypto koins they have. Oh well, a gal can dream.
