Happy Inferior Meat Day!

Look, if you just prepare the turkey THIS ONE WAY that only takes 38 hours, you can have a meal that is about 50% as good as throwing some chicken in the oven for 45 minutes. [Literally every article in every food magazine and website for the entire month of November]

Here’s another point: is there a single Thanksgiving side, at least in the North, that is an above average dish? Mashed potatoes are obviously fine but are equally obviously limited. If we actually liked cranberries, we would eat them more than once a year. Green bean casserole? I mean, OK? And whoever puts marshmallows on yams or sweet potatoes is a monster. An absolute monster. I’d like to find out who started this odious tradition so I could visit their grave. Obviously, the South does things somewhat better with macaroni and cheese, but then the South does most things better than the North. Not to mention the superiority of cornbread to rolls and of course the deliciousness of collard greens compared to whatever bland veggies are on the side up here.

Also, pumpkin pie is objectively the worse of all your major pies.

Naturally enough, even though we are having a quarantine Thanksgiving, I am still being forced by my traditionalist partner to have the normal dinner. Except for the yams with marshmallows because she’s not a monster.

Also, forget Arlo Guthrie. This is the best Thanksgiving song.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving and this Thanksgiving open thread!