New from the workshop of Bannon Hakkonen – POP

The Protect Our Predators initiative. Alex Marlow, Blightbart’s editor-in-chief, explained how it works. Or tried.

He was not very good at it.

Frankly, it sounds more like a pathetic attempt to maintain the Terrible Tangelo’s trust in Bannon.

But before we begin, please close your eyes and remember that Bannon was not involved in Moore’s campaign from well before the accusations of creeping on teens came out. You must remember this very true alt-fact before you read on. Otherwise you might ask awkward questions. Such as If Moore was such a rotten terrible no good candidate, why did Bannon support Moore’s campaign from the start?

Or slightly less awkward from the Breitbartian POV, did Bannon know about the rumors before they became national news and support Moore anyway?

Or for maximum awkwardness: Is Marlow also shouting He meant to do that! to explain why his boss just stepped on three rakes, got tangled up in the garden hose and then fell into the compost heap?

ALEX MARLOW (HOST): In hindsight guys, look, it’s a — there was no option at Breitbart — and I will try to articulate this over and over. There was no option to throw Judge [Roy] Moore under the bus. If you set the standard that Roy Moore, who was accused of abusing five women, three of whom — or six women, three of whom were not actually accusing him of doing anything illegal, two of whom either had a massive conflict of interest or were entirely uncredible for putting out a forged yearbook, that left one accuser and it was a he said, she said.

He’ll try to articulate it over and over but success may remain elusive because this argument already sucks.

I mean, perhaps it’s just me, but the only time I’ve ever heard an adult say it isn’t illegal for adults to hit on teens is when the adult has been caught hitting on teens. And while it was nice for the gentlemen who approached me well before I reached the age of consent to assure me they were not engaged in criminal activity by hitting on me, this did nothing to make such encounters less alarming and generally unpleasant AF.

Moving along, I believe the massive conflict of interest he refers to was not being a Republican, but sufficient purity of some sort has long been highly mobile goalpost that victims of sexual abuse have had to catch in order to be believed. Or at least not called a lying whore straight away. So to for the he-said-she-said standard. Pseudosexual violence — like most violence — usually occurs in private. But to hear some people tell it accusations of assault made by Certain People are only credible if the crime is committed in broad daylight on a busy street.

As an aside, I really hope Mr. Marlow — and his boss — find out what happens when a news org or facsimile thereof keeps saying someone is a forger, without even sticking words like alleged, or I suppose formerly alleged, somewhere nearby. Especially after other orgs have retracted that accusation because they don’t want to get sued. Dumb ass.

But what does that have to do with the price of feet?

Obviously it is all about protecting Dear Leader.

Not the shriveled, eye-covered jacket potato one, the dried out shouty tangelo one.

If you make that the standard, the left is going to use it to take out President Trump.

Of course. If one does not insist on a Two or more Republican virgins assaulted in front of a several credible witnesses standard then The Left will stop the Magic of MAGA. If one virgin makes a credible accusation against the DONGUS, it’s OK, apparently. Two is right out.

At least, it sounds like Marlow is admitting that the DOPUS has at least one credible accuser, but perhaps he’s just flustered by the fervor of defending his gropingfuhrer.

There was never any reason to cave unless you have a — unless you would like President Trump to get removed from office, and if not even removed from office, at least have massive distractions from his agenda so that we never accomplish anything for the remainder of the president’s term. And much of the Republican Party wants that. Much of the Republican Party does not see that as a negative.

Even worse, The Left assisted by The Establishment Right Boo Hiss will stop the Magic of MAGA! Only the trusty troops at Bannonbart can protect Stumpy from their menacing malice. And it’s willing to do so, even if it means going all in on the candidacy of the Worst Candidate Ever. Not counting you-know-who, because he won.

When you’ve got a race when you’ve got a horrible candidate. Let’s not — you guys are being too polite about Roy Moore, he was a terrible candidate. His message did not resonate, he had all the baggage, he had the scandal. When he’d run for statewide office he’d only won in very tight races or relatively tight, considering he’s the Republican. Roy Moore was not a good candidate at all.

This is where a defense that is merely awful becomes awe-inspiringly awful. According to Marlow, Bannon the Master of Political Stategerizing, looked at Luther Strange and he looked at Roy Moore.

Rather than back Strange, or better yet, stay the fuck home and peer knowingly at the cover of his copy of The Prince, Bannon backed the baggage-laden candidate who had all the appeal of a used airsickness bag.

Who then beat Strange.

But he was still The Worst. And Bannon still stuck with him, even coming up with a super-genius plan to battle the accusations that his stinker of a candidate was a criminal-level creep. A plan which included sending Brietbart’s reporters to discredit Moore’s accusers.

This makes no sense to me, but neither do Republicans, because they’re rotten human beings.

However, I assume it will work for the sort of people who have a bottomless appetite for bullshit, provided it is extruded in service of aggrandizing the worst the white race has to offer.

So Bannon-tRump relations should be just fine. :-)