Yes, I’m a Woman

I eat beans from the trash. A dog fell on my head when I was nine pic.twitter.com/Kui0ntLPML

— royal karate baby (@jon_snow_420) September 8, 2017

Yes, I’m a woman.

• I cry over spilled milk. Or milk that’s been expertly poured. Or just a carton of it, sitting there.
• I once tried to get a bath by asking random strangers to lick me because “that’s how cats do it.”
• Sometimes I forget how to breath.
• I dance like no one’s watching, by wearing a crockpot on my head and running around really fast in tight circles ’til I get dizzy and fall.
• One time I tried to flirt with a mop.
• I admit it: I love historical romance novels, like “Mein Kampf.”‘
• What is a movie? Why is this episode of “Full House” so long and why is everyone dressed in a toga?
• I like to make my man feel big and powerful so I often dress up like a Hobbit and curl myself into a tiny ball, sexily.
• I eat pot roast with a spork.
• Oops, I just crapped myself.

I’m a woman.