It’s Like, How Much More Mariners Could This Be?

Every once and a while, as a Mariners fan you might allow yourself some measure of optimism. It’s Memorial Day weekend, you’re in first place, one of the two other teams you figured would contend for the division has failed to launch, and you have the second-best run differential in the league. Your optimism might cause you to get excited when, down a run in the bottom of the ninth to a dreadful Minnesota team, you get runners on first and third with none out. Then you remember that the Mariners’s ability to find new ways to lose in inexhaustible. Like, say, getting two runners (including the tying run on third with one out) gunned down on an idiotic too-clever-by-three-quarters delayed steal play:

And what’s worst about this is that it deprives me of what otherwise would be a world-historical opportunity to troll Denverite. I didn’t know when a 1,000 to 1 ninth inning comeback would happen, but I did know with absolute certainty that the closer responsible would be on my fantasy team…