War Erotica
By 
Kurt Schlichter is such a gross weirdo.
On a Florida golf course, the secure cell phone of the retired Marine everyone called “The Wildman” rang, ruining his putt. The Wildman was a legend for his aggression, hence his nickname.
And his love for the game of golf, the most macho game there is involving riding around in tiny carts and having other people carry your balls.
At an airfield outside Irbil, the brave Kurds beheld a nearly endless series of C-17 cargo planes flying in with the weapons and ammunition Obama refused to supply. The Iraqi prime minister called the President to complain that he had never given permission for any of this; the President informed the Iraqi leader that America wasn’t asking.
Hot.
“You will attack aggressively in order to destroy all ISIS forces in Iraq and Syria. You will kill all ISIS fighters who do not surrender. Your priority is the destruction of ISIS forces. The safety of civilians is secondary.”
A strategy this fleshed-out surely couldn’t fail.
The Americans published daily body counts. This horrified liberals, but delighted the American people,
who, apparently, are not Americans or even people!
When the war ended after two months, the President’s popularity was 80% and the final body count was 26,763 ISIS fighters dead. The Islamic State was just a terrible memory. Iran, North Korea, Russia and China all saw and understood that they would need to govern themselves accordingly in the face of a post-Obama America. And it would be years before any terrorist group dared again threaten the United States.
And then Kurt Schlicter used his G.I. Joe doll to give his Lando Calrissian action figure a roundhouse kick to the face.
The End.