DISCONVENTION!
By [Previous installments of Sekocom, Inc. games include DISADVENTURE!, DISADDENDUM!, DISMORALIZED!, DISINSOMNIA!, WHARTON!, GRADING! and DISBELIEF!. This installment holds no candle to those but since its sell-by date is fast approaching I figure better late than never.]
Copyright (c) 1980, 1982, 2006, 2012 Sekocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
DISCONVENTION! is a registered trademark of Sekocom, Inc. Revision 23 / Serial number 8940729
You are standing in an open field west of a white townhouse, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.
> e
The door is locked.
> fuck door
I strongly advise against that course of action.
> fuck you
We only just met.
> open door
The door is still locked.
> FUCK DOOR
Fine. After a vigorous rutting, the rusted hinges snap and the frustrated door bends until its disappointed timbers give up and finish clattering themselves to the ground alone. You are standing in an open field west of a white townhouse, with a open door and an unsatisfied pile of wood. There is a small mailbox here.
> e
You are in the kitchen of the white townhouse. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. Next to it is an empty chair. A passage leads to the west, and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. To the east is a small window which is open. On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water.
> w
You are standing in an open field west of a white townhouse, with a open door and an unsatisfied pile of wood. There is a small mailbox here.
> look wood
The pile of wood refuses to return eye contact.
> FUCK WOOD
Haven’t you done enough already? Leave the poor pile of wood alone. Just go east.
> FUCK EAST
You cannot have sexual intercourse with a cardinal direction.
> so fuck wood
You cannot have sexual intercourse with east or wood. But there may be someone or something in the white townhouse with whom or which you can have sexual relations.
> fine e
You are in the kitchen of the white townhouse. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. Next to it is an empty chair. A passage leads to the west, and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. To the east is a small window which is open. On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water.
> sit chair
The empty chair is already seated.
> sit IN chair
The empty chair is currently occupied.
> who there
Do you not recognize him? It is the same Black President from the last time you played. Only invisible. Do you not remember?
> drink problem
A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water. Drinking it may help restore your wits.
> no just sit
You are seated on the floor next to the empty chair occupied by the invisible Black President.
> SIT IN CHAIR
The empty chair is currently occupied by the invisible Black President.
> tell him move
He cannot move. His presence is sustained by the power of your belief in it.
> no believe
But you do. You believe him to be the funniest thing you haven’t seen in ages.
> do not
That’s not what the invisible Black President says.
> what he say
Ask him yourself.
> what you say
The invisible Black President cordially invites you to go fuck yourself.
> he say what
The invisible Black President cordially invites you to go fuck yourself.
> why
You kidnapped him and are currently holding him hostage.
> did not
You did. Earlier this evening. Do you not remember suddenly finding yourself standing in an open field west of a white townhouse, with a boarded front door?
> i do
Do you remember how you arrived in that field?
> no
What do you remember?
> east
And?
> wood
What happened next?
> tried sit
Why couldn’t you?
> invisible black presidents
Is there something you would like to say to the invisible Black President?
> FUCK YOU INVISIBLE BLACK PRESIDENTS
Anything else?
> INVISIBLE BLACK PRESIDENTS SUCK
Why?
> TAKE CHAIRS
And?
> SIT IN THEM
Where else should they sit?
> AFGHANISTAN
Afghantistan is too far away.
> FINE GITMO
You want to send the invisible Black President to Gitmo?
> BIFURCATING BIFURCATING BIFURCATING
I don’t understand. Are you—are you crying?
> NO
You are. You’re crying. Why are you crying?
> I OWN IT
Own what?
> IT
What?
> IS MINE
What is?
> IT
I don’t understand. What do you want from the invisible Black President?
> IT BACK
What did he take from you?
> BIFURCATING BIFURCATING BIFURCATING