Who’s defrauding the University of California, now?
By SEK’s insurance provider outsourced its “dependent eligibility verification process” to a company called Secova whose homepage redirects to a shifty search engine that’s already looking for “xanax bars.” Or it redirects to an ebay store selling Unique Jewelry from Paula. [DO NOT CLICK ON THOSE LINKS UNLESS YOU LIKE TROJANS AND YOU DON’T LIKE TROJANS.] The point being that it redirects … and that his insurance company required him to send this company his last two years of tax returns to prove that he’s married to his wife. Had SEK known about the fraudulent redirects before speaking to this representative this conversation would’ve gone much differently. Not that he finds any of this surprising mind you. Now that they’re not returning his calls, SEK will provide them with some free publicity.
SEK: What’s with you not wanting to acknowledge that I’m married to my wife?
SECOVA REPRESENTATIVE: Did you know your wife has a different last name than you?
SEK: Yes. She kept her maiden name.
SECOVA REPRESENTATIVE: That’s odd. Hold on (audibly typing) “kept … maiden … name.” What’s wrong with yours ha ha ha?
SEK: (resisting the urge to say “Mine’s too Jewish”) Nothing.
SECOVA REPRESENTATIVE: I see. And who told her to keep it ha ha ha?
SEK: ?
SECOVA REPRESENTATIVE: It just seems strange. Woman marries a man, keeps her own name. Like it’s not a real marriage ha ha ha.
SEK: (resisting the urge to say “After 13 years, someone’s finally busted us, congratulations, sir!”) ??
SECOVA REPRESENTATIVE: We’re going to have to investigate this. I’m not saying it looks suspicious, but if we can’t verify you’re married, she’ll lose her coverage on September 11th.
SEK: (resisting the urge to say, well, something about 9/11 and Obama and the ACA) ???
SECOVA REPRESENTATIVE: We’ll be in touch once we’ve sorted your relationship out. You could’ve made this easy if you just made her change her name, you know ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.