Do We Have a Term Like Aesthetic Stalinism to Describe Conservative Sports Writing?

In the rich conservative tradition of declaring Bryce Harper a conservative hero because he plays hard unlike those black Democrats like Jason Heyward, I bring you the brilliant Conservapedia entry on “Overrated Sports Stars.” Although please note that given the nature of the website, it could change any time.

1. Andre Agassi — his rival Pete Sampras was far better, but Sampras is conservative. Agassi is a big donor to Democrat politicians.
2. David Beckham — far from the best, but promoted like he’s Pele. Not even good enough to play on Britain’s weak Olympic team, despite its having three spots for older players. Is Beckham socially liberal like some of the others on this list?
3. Kobe Bryant — not as valuable to the game as Jeremy Lin; hasn’t won a title without super-coaching by Phil Jackson, who observes that Kobe is not on the high level of Michael Jordan; Kobe makes only 46% of his shots, and scores lots of points because he hogs the ball.
4. LeBron James — 2012’s NBA Finals MVP is far from the best player in the NBA, he is way overrated by the liberal ESPN compared to Christian Kevin Durant
5. Magic Johnson — lucky enough to play on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s Lakers to win some titles, but was crushed by Michael Jordan and the Bulls; no problem, Magic was a critic of President George H.W. Bush, which thrilled liberals. People look at him, and say, ‘Hey, it’s OK to get HIV because I’m living with it.’ That is the wrong message. [1]
6. Peyton Manning — a quarterback who won only one NFL championship, despite being voted by the media and others to be NFL MVP 4 times, AFC Player of the Year 6 times, and Pro Bowler 11 times. The liberal media treated him like the Second Coming of Christ in order to oust conservative Tim Tebow from his leadership position in the swing state of Colorado prior to the Presidential Election 2012.
7. Steve Nash — an outspoken liberal who supported Obama, Nash was chosen twice by the lamestream media as the NBA MVP despite never leading his team to even an NBA Finals
8. Mark Sanchez — the New York Jets quarterback is being touted as the team’s best QB over conservative Christian Tim Tebow despite falling apart at the end of the 2011–12 season. Now that Tebow’s on-board, liberals are championing the former USC star as the superior player despite his recently poor play.
9. Tiger Woods — hasn’t won a major golf tournament in four years, and yet he’s still the only one liberals want to talk about while reporting on tournaments.
10. Michael Schumacher — has failed to perform after his return to Formula One racing and has been consistently outperformed by his teammate. His first podium finish since 2006 came only after many drivers in front of him retired from the race. Schumacher still receives generous media attention.
11. Sol Campbell — Is known to be sympathetic towards homosexual rights campaigners. During his England career they failed to win a single major tournament. While at Arsenal he failed to win the champions League, only ever making the final once and only won the Premier League a measly two times. Despite this, he has had a career which has seen him play for some of the best clubs.

I’d like to think this is parody. The idea that conservative Republican Peyton Manning went to Denver to replace Godhead Tim Tebow in order somehow to swing Colorado to the Democrats this November. Thet that talking about Tiger Woods is a liberal thing (what golfers do real conservatives want to talk about? Oh right, the white ones). That Jeremy Lin is “more valuable to the game” than Kobe Bryant. What the latter actually means I don’t know. But Lin is a fundamentalist so I guess that’s how we define these things now.

Yes, I’d like to say this is parody because it seems like something this obviously stupid could only be satire. And probably not even very good satire. Alas, we all know this is the real deal.