“This Column Took Me 7 Minutes, For Which I Was Paid 40 Thousand Dollars. Now Watch This Drive!”

Shorter Rick Reilly: “Sure, the late Joe Paterno may have knowingly done nothing while someone he knew to be a child rapist continued to work for the head of a children’s foundation while using university facilities, but he lived in a ranch house and drove a Ford Tempo. A Ford Tempo! Now, if he drove a Beamer, the fact that he enabled the anal rape of children might be immoral.”