Andy McCarthy on the moral superiority of cheaters.

Over on The Corner, Andy McCarthy unwittingly claims that Democrats are morally superior to Republicans:

I know we tire of the hypocrisy, but I really think this is remarkable. We spent the eight years through January 19, 2009, listening to Democrats complain that President Bush had purportedly caused a constitutional crisis by issuing signing statements when he signed bills into law. Democrats and Arlen Specter (now a Democrat) complained that these unenforceable, non-binding expressions of the executive’s interpretation of the laws Bush was signing were a usurpation Congress’s power to enact legislation. But now Democrats are going to abide not a mere signing statement but an executive order that purports to have the effect of legislation—in fact, has the effect of nullifying legislation that Congress is simultaneously enacting?

Democrats, he argues, were correct when they complained that signing statements were “unenforceable, non-binding expressions of the executive’s interpretation of the laws [and] a usurpation Congress’s power to enact legislation.” They were right to complain when the Bush administration appended them to legislation, but now they must defend the very principles conservatives have never had and stop President Obama from appending anything to H.R. 3590 when he signs it into law or be branded rank hypocrites. Consider this in baseball terms:

It’s the top of the first, and McCarthy and like-minded conservatives—we’ll call them the Yankees—stride to the plate with a Reebok Vector O. When the liberal pitcher complains, the umpire merely shrugs his shoulders and shouts, “Play ball!”

The pitcher opens with a wicked 12 to 6 curve over the heart of the plate. McCarthy stares at the mound in disbelief, then turns and says something to the umpire, who walks to the mound and informs the pitcher that there will be no more quote, bendy pitches, unquote.

“What?”

“You heard me,” the umpire replies. “McCarthy can’t hit anything but four-seamers, so that’s what you need to throw.”

Dumbfounded, the pitcher steps on the rubber and launches a 95 m.p.h. four-seamer down the chute. McCarthy throws his hands in the air and again complains to the umpire, who again approaches the mound.

“How is he supposed to hit a 95 m.p.h. fastball?”

“Not very well, actually, is the idea” the pitcher replies.

“I don’t want to see the gun touch anything over 80 from now on, we clear?”

“You want me to throw batting practice fastballs?”

“I don’t want you to, I’m telling you to,” the umpire says as he makes his way back to the plate.

Needless to say, by the time the liberals record three outs, the Yankees are up by twenty-seven. In the dugout, the liberals notice that the grounds crew is not only relocating the mound 50 ft. from home plate, but raising it five inches; moreover, the Yankees’s starting pitcher is heading to the mound with a jar of Vaseline and an industrial sander. When they complain, the Yankees insist that this this non-regulation mound is actually regulation, and that they’re not doctoring balls so much as fulfilling their original intent.

The liberals return to the dugout, grab a Reebok Vector O and angrily approach the batter’s box. When McCarthy sees the bat, he dashes home and pulls the umpire aside. They confer, and after a moment, the umpire tells the liberals that their aluminum monstrosity violates the spirit of the game. When they complain that the Yankees used them, McCarthy smiles and says, “But you’re supposed to be better than that.”

“Let me get this straight,” the liberals respond. “You want us to throw batting-practice fastballs, off a regulation mound, to batters holding rocket launchers while we’re in the field; but when we come to the plate, you expect us to hit doctored balls thrown off a spiked Little League mound with wooden bats, or you’re gonna call us hypocrites?”

“Pretty much.”

Were McCarthy and his fellow conservatives intellectually honest, they wouldn’t complain when the other side cheats too, but insist on everyone playing by the same rules, no matter what those rules may be.