How Did Urch Die?

It’s certainly possible that Neanderthal X died in a violent confrontation with modern humans. However, I think that there’s always a danger in reading our own social understandings into a historical record. There are innumerable scenarios under which the Neanderthal in question could have died, and while “genocidal no-holds-barred Human-Neanderthal throw down” is one of them, it’s not the only or even the most compelling. Perhaps the most interesting question is why we seem to leap to the genocide explanation. What alternative narrative of the death of Neanderthal X can we imagine? Hmmm…. What can we imagine….

Cast of Characters:
Throg, Chairman, Neanderthal-Human Friendship Committee
Steve, Chief Executive, Neanderthal-Human Friendship Games
Urch, Gold Medalist and Record Holder, Spear Toss
Chuck, Silver Medalist, Spear Toss
Githrak, Drunken fan

Scene: Neanderthal-Human Friendship Games, Year of the Sea Pig

Throg: Ah, Chuck; good to see you again. Games are going well. Excellent work this year.
Steve: Many thanks, Throg. Couldn’t have done it without the support of the committee as a whole.
Throg: Ah, time for the Spear Toss. Urch, planning to break last year’s record?
Urch: Going to give it 110%.
Steve: I notice you’re competing for the human team this year. That’s quite a shift.
Urch: Well, there were some sponsor issues.
Steve: Of course.
Throg: Hope that the change in teams doesn’t make you go soft, Urch. Chuck here has been hungry for this for a long time.
Chuck: Oh, no worries. I don’t think that Urch is going to take it easy on me.
[Hearty laugh all around]
Steve: Alright, on my mark….1…2…3… Urch Go!
[Urch throws spear]
Chuck: Damn.
Throg: That was one hell of a throw.
Urch: Got all of it. [Urch runs to retrieve spear, as Chuck prepares]
Githrak: [carrying 44 oz beer, slurring speech] Damnnnn. Ain’t nuthin, Chuck. You gots it.
Steve: Think that’s a record, Throg?
Throg: Maybe so!
Githrak: Go Chuck. Go Chuck. Go Chuck!! CHUCK GO!!! [Chuck throws spear, hitting Urch]
Throg: Oh, gods no!
Chuck: Urch…. my friend…. oh no….
Urch: [gasps] Chuck…. why? [gurgles, and expires]
Throg: This is horrible! Who could have thought that spear tossing would lead to tragedy?
Steve: This event is bound to shake the sport of Spear Tossing to its very foundations, Throg.

fin

Readers are invited to develop their own scenario in comments.