Another Lurch Toward Fascism

First they came for the beer pong players:

Under newly proposed regulations, Florida students — on or off the campus — would be prohibited from “excessive rapid consumption” of alcohol. The policy specifically bars “drinking games,” as well as “alcohol luges,” which are carved ice blocks that serve as frozen pathways for liquor shots.

Patricia Telles-Irvin, Florida’s vice president for student affairs, said the university’s existing regulations were already designed to curb binge drinking. The proposed changes, however, are meant to target specific high-risk drinking activities, she said.

The regulations also forbid keg standing, an acrobatic drinking feat where students are inverted over a keg, with legs held aloft, as they guzzle straight from a tap.

I’m tempted to say, “Wow, that really brings back some memories.” But no. No, it really doesn’t. I do recall, though, some friends in college who developed a two-funneled beer bong with valves; these were the same folks who, at the end of each fall semester, hosted a tribute party to Bob Seger. Known as “Seger Day,” the event’s gimmick simply involved getting loaded and listening to Bob Seger records. For some reason, this bacchanal drew hundreds of people each year. The highlight of Seger Day was an event known as “The Distance,” a game that consisted of drinking beer drizzled from a keg that was dangled from a third-story window. It was a goddamned stupid game. Dumber yet was the fact that Seger Day was intended to be a serious tribute to its namesake; for three years, I thought it was one of the greatest jokes I’d ever heard.

That said, I can’t imagine regulations like these — which even UF administrators seem to think would be unenforceable — will have any practical effect, except to whip frat boys and independent sluggos into an indignant, libertarian froth. Which is usually entertaining for about ten minutes but offers minimal longterm payoff.