Semiotics Lesson
By So saith some cornhole representative from Iowa:
An Iowa Republican congressman said Friday that terrorists would be “dancing in the streets” if Democratic candidate Barack Obama were to win the presidency.
Rep. Steve King based his prediction on Obama’s pledge to pull troops out of Iraq, his Kenyan heritage and his middle name, Hussein. . . .
“His middle name does matter,” King said. “It matters because they read a meaning into that.”
On that latter point, King is undoubtedly correct, as these historical examples suggest:
Barry Morris Goldwater. Recognizing the hidden meaning of his middle name, cats and their human companions voted overwhelmingly in favor of the 1964 Republican nominee, based largely on their conviction that he would not urinate in their shoes and scratch the fuck out of their couches. Unfortunately for Goldwater, people who did not want to perish in a tornado of fire also voted that year.
Richard Milhous Nixon. Though he was named for a small, yellow animated character from the future, Nixon’s middle name appears to have been inconsequential in his three presidential campaigns.
Herschel Vespasian Johnson. When Georgia’s former governor ran with Stephen Douglas on the 1860 Democratic ticket, opponents correctly feared that he — like his imperial Roman namesake — would conquer southwestern England, subdue Jewish revolts, and succumb in office to a fatal case of diarrhea. Burdened by these and other unfortunate associations, the Democratic party lost that year to Abraham Lincoln, who wisely avoided having a middle name.