My advice would be to call them "boy" while you’re doing it…

Shorter Americaneocon:

Although bloggers who refer to black people as “niggers” are clearly speaking from outside the conservative mainstream, the blogger in question raises some important arguments about smacking young black men for wearing their pants too low.

No, really. In the course of defending Old Racist Punk, our hero laments that “most people are harrassed [sic] into silence for even raising such sensitive but troubling topics.” If by “harassed into silence” he means “described accurately as racists,” I suppose he’s on to something, but let’s make a quick list of some of the “sensitive but troubling” issues that Americaneocon might think need “way more discussion” in the US. The following are not, best I’m able to fathom, parodies on the order of the much-missed Altmouse. They appear to be serious, thoughtful articles of discourse from someone who really, really doesn’t “hate black people.”

• “You see, you’ve just given life to the suspicion that black people in America are, and have long been, a fifth column — unanimously hating the very country that has afforded the highest standard of living ever achieved by black people in human history. We’re teetering at the edge of believing that you’re a secret society, a massive collection of sleeper cells just waiting for your chance to do serious harm to the rest of us. You’ve made it possible for us to believe that.”

• “The path to equality is counter-intuitive. Admit and decry the failings of your community. . . . Tip your white waitress. Stay at work after 5 o’clock.”

• “Would it kill you if your kid fixated on Sandy Koufax, Mozart, or Shakespeare rather than Mays, Armstrong, or Jay-Z? Does being black really have to be a full-time job?”

• “The dammed-up flood of good will in this nation for black people who want to work for their own American Dream is absolutely enormous. The biggest impediment is the doubt created in each and every non-black American by the clannish, tribalist, irrational defense of every low act committed by any black person. If you’re offended when Republicans defend Richard Nixon or when Democrats defend Chuck Schumer, imagine what it’s like when black people swarm the streets to defend Jeremiah Wright.”

Of course, since Old Racist Punk adores Alexandre Dumas and Muhammad Ali [er, wtf?], we should regard all of this in the helpful spirit in which it was written.