Duck and Cover!

If you’re Treason-in-Defense-of-Slavery Yankee, the fact that Franklin Foer still has a job pretty much has you breathing into a paper bag several times an hour.

But when he’s not calling for Foer’s head to be mounted on end of a pikestaff, TIDOS — the Dwight Schrute of the blogosphere — has taken to dispensing survival tips to his readers. If, for instance, you’ve never thought about how to survive a hail of bullets in a shopping mall — a circumstance that Sudden Jihadists are determined that all of us face someday — Gomer’s your man. Among the priceless tips:

Once you make it outside, keep moving. Put as much physical space and as many physical objects between you and the scene as possible.

So if I understand him correctly, when the shooting starts, I should . . . um . . . run? Well I’ll be damned.

Just so we’re clear on this, the contributors to Lawyers, Guns and Money have no meaningful counsel to offer on mall rampages, carjackings, street muggings, boar attacks, cat scratch fever, hot dog fingers, or getting shot in the face by Dick Cheney. Rob has, however, done his part to warn us about the Zombie Menace and the Day of the Monkeys that looms before us like a dark, hairy cloud — but as this site has always been primarily devoted to news and information that are genuinely useful, you would only expect as much.