Useless List Department: Twenty-Five Great Simpsons Episodes

Here is my long awaited list of great Simpson’s episodes. I was a bit surprised at how Lisa-centric many of them are. I wasn’t terribly surprised that no episodes from season 9 and beyond made the list, although there are five honorable mentions. In any case, have at it. . .

1. Last Exit to Springfield (4)- “Dental plan! Lisa needs braces. Dental plan!”
2. Bart the Murderer (3)- “Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?”
3. The Summer of 4’2″ (7)- “Hi… ummm… let me have some of those porno magazines… large box of condoms… a couple of those panty shields [quickly] and some illegal fireworks [back to normal] and one of those disposable enemas. Ehhh… make it two.”
4. A Fish Called Selma (7)- “I hate every ape I see, from chimpan A through chimpanzee”
5. Bart of Darkness (6)- “Can we have a pool Dad? Can we have a pool Dad? Can we have a pool Dad?”
6. The Day the Violence Died (7) “I’m an amendment to be, yes an amendment to be”
7. Sideshow Bob Roberts (6) “That was a _big_ mistake, Bart. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.”
8. Itchy and Scratchy The Movie (4) “Can’t he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Earl
Warren wasn’ta stripper! Now, who’s being naïve?”
9. You Only Move Twice (8) “Oh, my God, the 59th Street bridge! Maybe it just collapsed on its own. We can’t take that chance.”
10. Bart the Daredevil (2) “I will death-defy both nature and gravity by leaping over this tank of water, filled with man-eating great white sharks, deadly electric eels, ravenous piranha, bone-crushing alligators, and perhaps most frightening of all, the king of the jungle, one ferocious lion!”
11. Homer vs the 18th Amendment (8)- “I’m not going to lie to you Marge……Well, goodbye”
12. 22 Short Films About Springfield (7)- “Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well, I can picture the cheese, but, uh, do they have Krusty partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?”
13. The Front (4)- “Didn’t you wonder why you were getting checks for doing nothing? I figured, ‘cuz the Democrats were in power again.”
14. El Viaje Misterioso De Nuestro Homer (8)- “I’m a well-wisher, in that I don’t wish you any specific harm.”
15. Homer at the Bat (3)- “And I say, England’s greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!”
16. Lisa the Iconoclast (7)- “That’s preposterous. Get out! You’re banned from this historical society! You, and your children, and your children’s children — for three months.”
17. Cape Feare (5)- “No one who speaks German could be an evil man”
18. Marge vs the Monorail (4) “True or false? You can get mono from riding the monorail.”
19. Hurricane Neddy (8)- “Homer, you are the worst human being I have ever met.”
20. War of the Simpsons (2)- “Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell.”
21. Kamp Krusty (4)- “I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn’t have a seven or an eight, and Krusty’s autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he’s gone too far!”
22. A Streetcar Named Marge (4)- “ I just don’t see why Blanche should shove a broken bottle in Stanley’s face. Couldn’t she just take his abuse with gentle good humor?”
23. The Boy Who Knew Too Much (5)- “Well, only one in two million people has what we call the “evil gene”. Hitler had it, Walt Disney had it, and Freddy Quimby has it.
24. Burns Verkaufen Der Kraftwerk (3)- “We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order: Simpson, Homer. That is all.”
25. Rosebud (5)- “Have the Rolling Stones killed.

Honorable Mention: 2- Simpson and Delilah, Treehouse of Horror, The Way We Was, Brush with Greatness; 3- Lisa’s Pony, Bart the Lover, The Otto Show; 4- Homer the Heretic, Treehouse of Horror III, Marge gets a Job, Selma’s Choice, Brother from the Same Planet, I Love Lisa; 5- Homer’s Barbershop Quartet, Homer Goes to College, $pringfield, Homer and Apu, Homer Loves Flanders, Sweet Seymour Skinners Badasss Song; 6- Bart’s Comet, Bart vs. Australia, A Star is Burns, Lisa’s Wedding; 7- Treehouse of Horror VI; 8- The Homer They Fall; 9- Lisa the Simpson, Trash of the Titans; 11- Brother’s Little Helper, Behind the Laughter; 14- I’m Spelling as Fast as I Can

Best Treehouse: Treehouse of Horror I

Best Arc: Season 4, episodes 12-17: (Marge vs. the Monorail, Selma’s Choice, Brother from the Same Planet, I Love Lisa, Duffless, Last Exit to Springfield)

Best Season: Season 4

The Collapse: Season 9