Ohio State speaker says he took psychedelic drugs to write Bitcoin commencement speech
By That, comrades, is the literal transcription of a headline on the Columbus, Ohio’s NBC News affiliate’s website.
Days before the Sunday ceremony, OSU’s chosen speaker Chris Pan announced on LinkedIn that he had taken the psychedelic drug ayahuasca to write his first drafts.
“Got some help from AI (Ayahuasca Intelligence) this week to write my commencement speech for 60,000 grads and family members at Ohio State University next Sunday,” Pan wrote. “Tried ChatGPT but wasn’t that good.”
Cool story tech bro!
How did that turn out I wonder?
The resulting speech and an on-stage demonstration with OSU President Ted Carter drew audible booing from the audience in the university’s livestream, as Pan tried to encourage graduates and attendees to buy cryptocurrency.
“Saving is not enough because inflation exploded after the pandemic which is why everything got so expensive … I see Bitcoin as a very misunderstood asset class,” Pan said. “It is decentralized and finite which means no government can print more at will.”
What the hell is this?
It was part of Pan’s pitch for investing, which he said was prevented by internal factors, rather than external like student debt or market conditions.
What sorts of “internal factors” I wonder?
“The mechanics of investing are actually easy, but it comes down to mindset,” Pan said. “The most common barriers are fear, laziness and closed-mindedness.”
[Insert intro to the Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit” here]
Who is Chris Pan anyway?
OSU’s online profile for Pan labeled him as a “social entrepreneur, musician and inspirational speaker,” and confirmed he graduated from the university in 1999. Pan’s LinkedIn profile also listed previous stints as a senior associate at McKinsey & Company, marketing director for PepsiCo China, and program manager for Facebook.
The speaker’s latest work involves his own company, MyIntent, which crafts braided bracelets with custom messages on them. Pan announced toward the end of his speech that he would give away a bracelet to every attendee in the stadium.
McKinsey, PepsiCo China, and Facebook? Also his speech was widely panned.
I guess the only upset here is that Gordon Gee wasn’t directly involved somehow.
Try harder, writers.
. . . my brother the historian of drugs points out that the Onion got here first.
. . . Omigod (Shirtless dance number? Did it go to 11?)