Tiger Tiger

LGM isn’t a haven for golf blogging, but Rick Reilly’s new book about how Trump cheats egregiously and constantly at golf looks pretty interesting.

More than any wife, more than any party, more than any opinion, President Donald Trump has remained fiercely loyal to golf. But I’ve played golf my entire life. Years ago, I even played with Trump once. Whatever sport he’s playing, it isn’t golf.

He cheats. He lies. He kicks. And not just his ball—yours, too. He props up a 2.8 handicap that’s faker than WrestleMania 35. He wins tournaments he never even played in. He wins tournaments that weren’t even held.

He does all of this because he has to win. A loss is to Donald Trump what a shower is to the Wicked Witch of the West. He has to win no matter how much cheating, lying, and pencil erasing it takes. He has to win whether you’ve caught him or not. Maybe it was his father beating into his kid brain, Win, win, win. Be a winner, over and over. Maybe it was where he learned the game—Cobbs Creek, a scruffy public course in Philadelphia full of hustlers and con men who taught him to cheat your opponent before he cheats you.

And it’s not just the cheating. It’s the way he plays the game—with all the golf etiquette of an elephant on Red Bull. Trump promised to Make America Great Again. He’s definitely Made Golf Gross Again.
He drives his golf cart on greens. He drives it on tee boxes. He never, ever walks, even on the courses he owns that have banned carts (Trump Turnberry.)

Reilly, formerly one of Sports Illustrated’s top writers, was also formerly fairly apolitical, but he was also a golf fanatic, and he was aware from long experience that Trump, also a golf fanatic, was completely dishonest in his approach to the ultimate expression of the WASP honor code.

The night Trump was elected, Reilly realized what had just happened:

I used to have a coach who said, “How you do one thing is how you do everything.” It’s true.

Speaking of which, Tiger Woods’s comeback victory in the Masters last month was celebrated by middle-aged hackers all across the political spectrum. Woods is visiting the White House to accept the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Trump, although it’s not clear if they’ll let him come in via the front door.

Why is Woods agreeing to participate in this ceremony? According to him it’s because he “respects the office of the President.” Meanwhile in the faraway Kingdom of Dubai:

Poised to offer a golf experience unique to the Middle East, Trump World Golf Club Dubai will make a highly anticipated debut in 2019.

The championship course’s styling is reminiscent of the Australian Sandbelt and showcases designer Tiger Woods’ penchant for links golf. Trump World Golf Club Dubai will provide a premier test of golf, yet remain enjoyable for all levels of play, by emphasizing positioning and angles to strategic green complexes and encouraging creative shot making as well as bump-and-run shots around the tightly mown green surrounds.

The memorable layout maintains a distinct desert oasis feel as expansive, lush turf and pristine lakes contrast the site’s natural features that include spectacularly landscaped desert wadis and dramatic undulations mimicking the surrounding Arabian Desert.

In a city known as a glamorous and innovative playground, Trump World Golf Club Dubai will stand out as a fun test of golf unlike any other found on the Arabian Peninsula. Accompanying the championship course at AKOYA Oxygen will be a world-class clubhouse and extensive practice facilities.

It’s grifters all the way down.