The Horrors of Parenting!
By (Ben Shapiro stands atop a greased hill. He is surrounded by happy children.)
BEN: Follow me! I’m one of you!
THE CHILDREN: (Wander hither and thither without any clear plan like kids do.)
BEN: Do you not see? THIS HILL! IS GREASED!
THE CHILDREN: (Frolic and ignore THE YELLING MAN.)
BEN THE YELLING MAN: I WILL SAVE YOU!
THE CHILDREN: (Look at BEN THE YELLING MAN, then remember what Britney Baxter did last week and start screaming and kicking.)
BEN THE YELLING MAN: BUT I’M TRYING TO SAVE YOU FROM YOUR PARENTS!
THE CHILDREN: (Start running near the edge of the greased hill and, one by one, begin sliding down it.)
BEN THE YELLING MAN: NO! (To his left.) YOU GOT THE GAY! (To his right.) NOW YOU’RE A MAN! (Falls to his knees and weeps.) AN IRANIAN? I COULD’VE SAVED YOU!
JESUS: (Descends from Heaven with lights and music and shit.) My child.
BEN THE YELLING MAN: (Too busy yelling.)
JESUS: Ben?
BEN THE YELLING MAN: (Too busy yelling.)
JESUS: BEN!
BEN THE YELLING MAN: (Shuts up. Turns around.) THIS IS YOUR FAULT HIPPIE!
(Pushes Jesus down the slippery slope and turns him into a gay. Transgenders him too. Because that’ll teach Him to love all His children.)
THE END